The past coming back to haunt you

So im down in the dumps...well not really i mean i am happy but suddenly there has just been one thing..person rather on the back of my mind. Its not stopping me from being happy at all but i guess you could say this feeling is more of a longing feeling rather than a sad feeling. For some reason recently ive been thinking about someone in my past and its not the dumb boy i was just with during college..no im going back to high school with this one. It's been sucha long time since i've even thought about this perticular boy.

So why now, why all of a sudden. Well i kinda do know the answer to that question but for now i'll keep it to myself. It's just funny how you couild have such an amazing connection with someone and then one day you wakle up and it is gone. If you ask me it happens to much in our society today, with myself and all of my good friends. What is it about our generation that we can't just stick with one person and be happy. Look at our parents and grandparents they all pretty much knew their spouses by now...and im not saying i want to find my husband...but relationships back then just seemed to be more..alive..happy...true. They were more pure more innocent. Today it just seems to be mostly about sex...what attracts us to ppl now is looks...sex appeal and yea im guilty of it just as u. but i want more than that.

As cliche as this is...look at the notebook, twilight, or any movie thats romantic...why cant life be more like that...i dont care how lame i am saying it and comparing life to fantasy...fantasy comes from somewhere..all these stories are based around love...real love. People today seem to through that word around alot. I myself find trouble saying it to people. Awhile ago i had one boy who refused to talked to me until i said it. He broke me down and made me say it. He said it first but still... i didnt know if it felt right. Now looking back saying the word made me happy and sometimes i actually i believe i felt what i said...but sometimes i don't. Today you wont catch me saying Love so willingly. I can't. It's not against the boy rather but against myself.

Until recently i use to be so against love. I didnt believe it. I was a "ba humbug" about it. But something changed me. I want it more than ever. I use to be so naive about it. I just feel as though no boy wants anything serious. I want what movies portray i want that funny little feeling, i want to fall asleep knowing that someone is thinking about me. Granted we've all felt that i want to know it is True. Can't say we have all been there. It just boggles my mind why it cant be how it use to be in the olden days. Guys use to be so romantic. All on their own, why did our generation have to change. I know there are good guys out there but it's just aa diffrent era its not ment to be like that. I wish more than anything life could be like it was back than...maybe not all categories of life but rather...just the romance department.

I admit even letting this feelings out is weird let alone reading it. I've never come out about how i feel on love...like i said i use to be agaisnt it.














Sometimes i just wonder...when will it be my turn