Regrets

You know i can say honestly up until now i have never regretted anything i have done.
Yea up until now.

Ok so we all know i have done stupid things in my life, and we all know i have not regretted any no matter how upset i may have gotten over things....no regrets...i lived by that.

Now its all different.
I don't understand what it is about me, when something goes wrong with a boy even if its not huge i feel the necessity to show that guy that other guys could have me and he is missing out.

So what, this boy wanted a break. After the past week it is obvious he wanted a break because he was the one getting attached, not me for once. If only i could type all the shit that has gone down since last Tuesday, exactly a week ago from this very moment. Each thing that has happened proved to me that he did care. But then i had to go hook up with three guys in front of him..why? I honestly could not tell you. I dont rememeber that night at all. It just pisses me off because we did say sorry to eachother...but if u didnt forgive me why did you say you did? i mean i did wrong i don''t blmae you but u had me convinced you forgave me...until you went and got all angry and threw my hairclip against the wall ans shattered it into a million pieces. And then when u see me shake ur head at me cause i wont say hi...like im suppose to say hi to you when our friends had to seperate us because u were a brutal drunk n they didnt want us to fight.

Look i have NEVER EVER admitted to being wrong in my life,honestly, you three know me and kni wi havent wether or not im right or wrong i always belive i am right.

So see this know. I admit it. I was wrong. I shouldnt have done that. Granted i kept things PG...i feel as though i fucked things up big time, idk tho. I'm scared to even taked to him or text him now. From the bottom of my heart i feel like all the pieces fell into place with this boy to a T. The problems that were in my way just miraculously seemed to go away on their own. and then impatient me had to throw it in his face. I honestly wish i could tell you to your face how sorry i am for doing that. You didnt hook up with anyone on front of me until i did it straight in front of you, right in your view. I knew you were there, I knew you would see. Deep down inside i had hoped you would see me and wish that you were the guy i was with. That you didnt want me to hook up with anyone but you...


but you did text me afterwards n told me to spit my game. Why, why would you say ANYTHING if you didnt care...i know you care i cant tell you how many times you said you did but you said you wanted to have fun. And i was all for that. I understood completly cause i was the same way only three months ago. Maybe one guy wouldnt have been bad...but i feel as though three was pushing it.


I have never Regreted anything in my life. I have never wanted to go back in time and do something diffrerently, i have normally accepted the consequences that have come with my actions; however for the first time in my life i can honestly say i wish that i could go back in time. I wish i could wither not drink as much as i did or just not hooked up with those boys. I feel as though that was low of me. Your best friend even told me i was being "malisious" that night. As did my brother when it old him what i did. Was it that obvious? Where my intentions so blaitintly obvious?

I just wish i could say this to him,
i dont want this to go the way it did with the other one
WHen i see you i dont want to pretend as though we never had anything
its painful to do that with him...i cant do it with you also.
Plus you two are so completly different.

For once in my life im saying im wrong
For once in my life cant things work out in my favor
For once in my life cant that boy come back into my life
For once in my life cant i be happy?